Redfern by way of Bangkok

We squeezed in a couple of nights in Bangkok between Sweden and Australia - it was tight as we had a deadline to arrive in Sydney in time for my god-daughter Zuzu's christening. We were pretty zapped after the emotional wrench of leaving and a long journey from Stockholm to Bangkok via London so we were content to settle in at our favourite hotel (the Amari Atrium, a bargain at £30 a night B&B), popping out only to eat soup street-side and to shop at the sprawling MBK department store.

This delectable nectar is found on any street corner in the Big Mango

We arrived in Sydney on Friday morning and slept for most of the day while our friends Mike and Netan were at work. The christening, which was a bit of a hilarious Kath & Kim-esque farce to future-proof Zuzu's choice of schools, was held on Saturday. We arrived at the church only to be chastised by the shell-suited priest who asked us to move to one area of the church and "maintain an atmosphere of silence" (heathens!).

Child! Are you ready to embrace God?

Changed into his gowns, the priest led our gaggle of ignoramuses (or is that ignorami?) through the process. The first stumbling block came when Mike answered his query as to the purpose of the day as being to "christen" Zuzu. Turns out the Catholic church baptises its followers - whoops. Also turns out that being a "godparent" according to the Catholic church is something other than what I'd discussed with Mike and Netan. If they were indeed looking for someone to guide Zuzu through her relationship with God according to the Catholic church, they had definitely made a terrible error in judgment in selecting me for the role.

Sermons or mangoes?

I'd solemnly promised Mike and Netan that I'd always be there for Zuzu, I'd spoil her rotten, I'd teach her how to bake cakes and eat mangos, I'd introduce her to Frujus and emus and I'd listen to the boohoos, but the formerly shell-suited priest with the broad Ocker accent didn't seem to put much weight in any of these vows. Instead he wanted me to swear my allegiance to the Catholic church and all it stands for. My lips did not even move during that "I do".

Sydney boardwalking

Mike & Zuzu at Eveleigh Farmers' Market

Zuzu's front yard

Flashbacks to the alter come and go

Matt headed off to New Zealand a week earlier than me as he had a World Cup opening match to attend. When I did board my flight from Sydney to Auckland, I was ushered into business class where once upon a time I would have indulged in Champagne and quality wine, but this time a comfortable seat with plenty of legroom and lashings of sparkling water were my little luxuries. Unbeknown to me, Angus (who Matt was staying with in Auckland) is friends with a Qantas pilot who had arranged my upgrade, adding to the completely surreal experience of arriving home. Time to eat some ice-creams and do some bombs.